His name is Bob.
Bob is the mood-swing-king.
Bob is all joking,
all teasing,
funny, ha, ha, ha...
and then BOOOM!
It all turns around.
And I am at fault.
Bob got mad at me because
I was speaking in the kitchen
while he was in the living room.
Bob got mad at me because
I like my water refrigerated and cold
even though "it doesn't say
on the instructions
that the new water dispenser
needs to go in the fridge".
Bob got mad at me because
I said "Brenda Murphy
won $10,000 on a scratch ticket"
because Bob didn't know
who Brenda Murphy is,
even though he does.
Nothing is good enough,
no one is fast enough
smart enough
enough enough
for Bob.
Bob is my father.
And if you ask me
why I had self-esteem issues
my whole life.
His name is Bob.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Horoscope, Interpreted
Try to make sure you get some quality time to yourself today, Scorpio. Your nature is one that thrives on intense thought, creativity, sexuality, and emotion. Without adequate time alone in a space that’s comfortable for you, you may begin to feel worn out. Such things as irritability or withdrawal can be strong indicators that it's high time you were alone with yourself. Make some plans for this today.
**********************************************************
I learned this about myself a few years ago. Now I take time for myself when I need it... generally anything that goes with singing fits the bill: driving, Sudoku puzzles, staring at the wall.
**********************************************************
I learned this about myself a few years ago. Now I take time for myself when I need it... generally anything that goes with singing fits the bill: driving, Sudoku puzzles, staring at the wall.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
The problem with luck
My dad came home from the hospital today. Not many people have to be hospitalized for 8 days for a simple biopsy. I guess it wasn’t a simple biopsy, either. Nothing is simple around here anymore.
About 10 years ago, Dad had a heart valve replaced to repair a murmur caused by a childhood illness. He has been taking a blood thinning medication ever since.
Last year he started having severe leg pain for which no one could determine the cause. He was slated for surgery but, when they tested his blood - a red blood cell test which his regular doctor had neglected to perform since the heart surgery 10 years before - they said there was “a problem” and it was cancelled.
In the confusion, they fucked up his blood thinning meds and he had a stroke. When he was in the hospital recovering from the stroke, he was diagnosed with bowel cancer. The cancer was beyond operable and had already spread to his liver and lung.
He started chemotherapy but it makes you vomit and, when he would vomit, his esophagus would tear and bleed. Every time that happened he had to get blood transfusions and be hospitalized. They stopped the chemotherapy after determining it was causing more harm than good.
Dad was recently invited to take part in the study of a new medication combination. The biopsy that he had last week was sent for testing to see if his cancer is within their criteria. If he qualifies, there is a 50% chance that he’ll receive a placebo instead of the exciting breakthrough combination drug that is changing the face of cancer.
And, shock of all shocks, when performing the biopsy they found that the cancer has spread out of control.
Until last year, the only time anyone in my family had been in hospital was Dad’s heart valve surgery, my older sister’s back surgery in 1984 to correct her scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and to give birth. The people in my family don’t get sick. My relatives die from old age. We are all healthy and strong. It is true, we have been extremely lucky.
The problem with luck? It runs out.
But, messed up weirdos that we are, we’re all still smiling and hoping for the best.
About 10 years ago, Dad had a heart valve replaced to repair a murmur caused by a childhood illness. He has been taking a blood thinning medication ever since.
Last year he started having severe leg pain for which no one could determine the cause. He was slated for surgery but, when they tested his blood - a red blood cell test which his regular doctor had neglected to perform since the heart surgery 10 years before - they said there was “a problem” and it was cancelled.
In the confusion, they fucked up his blood thinning meds and he had a stroke. When he was in the hospital recovering from the stroke, he was diagnosed with bowel cancer. The cancer was beyond operable and had already spread to his liver and lung.
He started chemotherapy but it makes you vomit and, when he would vomit, his esophagus would tear and bleed. Every time that happened he had to get blood transfusions and be hospitalized. They stopped the chemotherapy after determining it was causing more harm than good.
Dad was recently invited to take part in the study of a new medication combination. The biopsy that he had last week was sent for testing to see if his cancer is within their criteria. If he qualifies, there is a 50% chance that he’ll receive a placebo instead of the exciting breakthrough combination drug that is changing the face of cancer.
And, shock of all shocks, when performing the biopsy they found that the cancer has spread out of control.
Until last year, the only time anyone in my family had been in hospital was Dad’s heart valve surgery, my older sister’s back surgery in 1984 to correct her scoliosis (curvature of the spine) and to give birth. The people in my family don’t get sick. My relatives die from old age. We are all healthy and strong. It is true, we have been extremely lucky.
The problem with luck? It runs out.
But, messed up weirdos that we are, we’re all still smiling and hoping for the best.
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