Ya

And here I am again. Alone. Red faced. Wiping the tears away.

Do you think I like being this person?

Do you think I wouldn't rather being downstairs having fun with everyone else?

Then you are crazy.

I can't stop this. I don't know how to stop this. I fucking hate this but this is who I am. Perhaps that's why I usually hate me. I don't start there but I seem to inevitably end there.

Why? I don't know why.

I don't know why my awesome sister is down there with her fiance and his friend having a good time and I'm up here crying my fucking face off. Do you think this is what I want? Do you think this is how I think it should be?

Do you think this is why I'm alone? Yeah, me too. But I still don't get it. I still don't understand it. I still don't fucking understand it. Do you think I like to be different? To be weird? To be wrong? I don't. I promise you, I don't.

I just don't know how to stop it.