Why I followed you back

Okay, you might not have noticed this about me but I think the shit out of everything. I have a reason for every single thing I do and a reason for every single thing I don't do. Do you wonder why I did/didn't follow you back? There is a reason. Trust me.

I'm not on Twitter to get a million followers. I'm not going to lie and say that wouldn't be awesome but it's not my primary motivation. Actually, I laugh and/or roll my eyes every time I see someone post a "dear new followers" bullshit tweet. Dear new followers. I am better than you. It's very important that you should know this and accept your lower station in life. Pftt. Pu-leeze.

More like Dear people who choose to have my shit part of their twitter sewage stream. Get a plunger. *tee hee* That was a little harsh, I agree. But... I don't know... we're all... people, aren't we? Equal in the eyes of our master, Twitter? Ah, but I digress.

I do not have a follow every follower rule. I know that some people do and that's totally cool ~ to each their own. We might just be here for different reasons. I don't tend to like people just because they like me. And I don't expect people to like me just because I like them. Like me for me, baby. On Twitter and in life.

What am I looking for when I click that Follow button? Many different things. What's your reply to tweet ratio? Do I laugh at your tweets? Do your replies make me feel that you are someone I would want to hear more of? Do you sound needy and bitter? Are you reasonably clean - but not too clean - and reasonably positive - but not too positive? Do you tweet a gazillion times a day... or enough to block most everyone else from my stream? And, of course, did you follow/unfollow me more than once?

If you are following me and a few days later you are at the top of my followers list again and a few days after that you are at the top of my followers list again? Chances are slim that I will ever follow you back, my friend. Are you trying to get my attention? Did you think I didn't notice you the last three times? Everyone feels a little twinge when they lose a follower... and you think that I will let you give me that twinge over and over and then follow you back to make you like me? You are obviously trying to increase your numbers but I'm here to feel good and to try to make others feel good. I cannot reward you for making me feel bad. Yeah, you know who you are.

And the absolutely most important consideration when I decide to follow someone? Did you comment/reply/star any of my tweets? Did you stand up and say hey, you're funny or hey, I don't agree? Because, when someone chooses to communicate with me, all of that other stuff just won't matter as much.

Believe it or not, as cold and callous as you might think me to be, I do follow some people just because I don't want to hurt their feelings. There are a few people that I followed because they seemed promising but, to be honest, kind of irritate me now. However, I have communicated with them and will remain what they call "loyal". Like I said, I'm not here to make people feel bad. Although I really find it funny when I am doing the loyal shtick only to find out that they no longer follow me. And that happens all the time - to all of us.

Human interaction can get so complicated, so downright silly. This is not personal - we are 140 characters and an avatar to each other. Will my feelings get hurt if I think I've connected with someone only to have them unfollow me? Absolutely. Without a doubt. But I'm not going to dwell on it - what good would that do? I'll be disappointed for a few minutes - probably even have a passing thought about confronting them to find out why - and then I'll realize that it doesn't matter. I'll read the next person's tweet. I'll laugh. And I'll move on.

It's simple. I follow people who I want to be a part of my stream. And I want to be in the stream of people who want to laugh with me. I can't be honest in the things I say if I am constantly editing to try to please everyone.

My advice to you and to me? Laugh or unfollow. We're cool.