Is it hot in here?

I started a fire today.

Yep. Started a fire. In my sister's house.

My first fire ever. Another cherry popped.

My Wendy's was cold and I put it in the microwave. Like anyone would. It was in the bag, hello. Perfectly safe.

One spark, two spark, mutherfukin fire!

I admit, I have not spent a minute of my life wondering "how do microwaves work?" They just do, man. They. Just. Do. (Dude, give me a break! I literally learned how electricity works two years ago.)

Aren't some waves or something supposed to reflect the metallic... of th... wrappe...well, it doesn't really make sense when you actually think about it. It doesn't smell like it makes sense, anyway.

Isn't it funny how you think something works when you're a kid - but you're wrong, because you're a kid - and it just never comes up again. Although I'm sure my mother didn't understand any better than I did. Just don't put in the gold trimmed plates or tin foil... no, I don't know why, just don't. And don't make a mess!

Firefighter Extraordinaire, I threw open the microwave door. That made the flames grow. Shit. I closed the door. Grabbed my water glass. Opened the door. Threw water at it. Slammed the door. Refill glass. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It was barely a fire... just the bag burned. The smoke was the worst part. The worst part after thinking I was going to burn my sister's house down, I mean.

Smoke all you want, Wendy's bag. Don't throw a spark onto the curtains or the mat and start a real fire and don't set off a smoke detector or alarm (Why don't they have a smoke detector??) but go ahead and smoke. I'm in total agreement. I think I'll go smoke something, too.

To be honest, it was kind of exciting! I know, I'm weird. You aren't exactly making a new discovery there, Captain Obvious. I just like a challenge. Did the house burn down? No. I passed. Thank you. Where is my medal?