Fear. Is that what I call it?

How about cowardice?

How about silliness?

How about instinct?

Rob invited me to the movie tonight and I said yes. And then I backed out at the last minute. It's pretty shitty how I do that sometimes - it seems to come in phases, times when I just have no interest in anyone but me. How will I ever have a decent relationship when I'm like that? I guess, like Stacey says, it's who I am and it's okay. That's all.

The movie invite came via email a week ago. I think a large part of the problem was the time that I had available to think about it. I was very attracted to Rob the few times I saw him last fall. But he was not interested. I'm sure he was inviting me as a friend. I could tell by the "whatever" at the end of the email. Well, whatever, then. Whatever. Probably doesn't matter much.

It's more than that causing me trouble tonight. I think it's letting go of the extremes. All or nothing has to stop. It has stopped in almost every area of my world. This one is new for this new me and it's going to take some time. And I'm going to give it some time.

Let it be and let's see, right?