Back to the book then, hey? I've really been wanting to write lately but haven't been able to get my thoughts out on the blog properly. Probably because my fingers move faster than my brain. Anyway, I can always transpose it like I did the green book.

So? What? What is bothering me so? What is it that seems to be gnawing at my soul constantly?

And how do I make it stop?

Fear.

Yep. That's basically it.

Fear of opening up to someone.

Fear of going down old paths.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of not being rejected and actually having to trust someone.

Fear that I can't trust.

Fear of the push and pull hell that seems to be packaged along with any form of romantic relationship I have. Heck, it even comes with the non-romantic relationships where men are concerned.

The viscous circle.

Honestly, at the age of 37, I feel no more confidence in my ability with men than I did at 15.

How sad is that?